The Bible Notebook

Sometimes in our lives God allows us to meet a really cool person that we just wanna spend a lot of time with! Maybe it’s a friend, a classmate, a co-worker, a potential spouse, or somebody else. Whoever it is, we are faced with choices of how much of our life to invest in theirs. I believe the best way to answer these choices is to pray and seek counsel on the matter. Perhaps this “allegory” I wrote last night might help you decide what you ought to do. Give it a read:

One day I was walking along the seashore and I came across a gemstone. I immediately stopped, gazed at it, and wondered what I was supposed to do. I knew I had three options:

1) I could leave the gemstone alone, walk away from it, and pretend like I never saw it;
2) I could pick up the gemstone, claim it as my own, take care of it, and treasure it; or
3) I could sit down beside the gemstone and encourage it to grow to become a better gem.

After pondering my options, I knew what was the right one. I chose the third choice, and made encouraging growth be my strategy in relation to this gem. This way the gem would be more beautiful to whoever would have the privilege of taking possession of it at a later point. How long was I to do this? I had no idea, and wouldn’t for a while, but I took satisfaction in knowing that I had made the correct choice for the time being. Perhaps I would change my strategy at a later day, but for the moment I chose to do what I knew to be right, all the while knowing that I would be blessed for my obedience in doing what was right. So I have made it my aim to this very day to always do what is right in relation to this gorgeous gem.

Now please don’t analyze my short story too much; there are probably flaws in my logical reasoning. But, don’t miss the point of it. The “gemstone” or “gem” in this story represents this person you’ve met. When we come across this special somebody (whoever they are), we are faced with a decision similar to that of this story. While I have a personal application of this story (hence why in it I chose option #3), it may be best for your particular situation to choose one of the other options. So, let’s take a look at the three options proposed above and some practical implications & applications.

Option #1: “I could leave the gemstone alone, walk away from it, and pretend like I never saw it”
If you choose this option, you are basically choosing to remove yourself from a certain number of situations in which you would interact with this person you’ve gotten to know. Perhaps this is the correct response for you; maybe it’s because you realize that you’ve allowed this person to become a distraction to you or you’ve become a distraction to them, and it’d be best for both of you to abstain from interacting for a while or possibly longer. The latter part of this option (”and pretend like I never saw it”) is probably not the best option for anyone as it seems very ungodly. Ignoring a person is not the main point of this option, but cutting back is. If you’ve found that you and this person have spent an exorbitant amount of time together, then cutting back is probably the best option. Again, this doesn’t mean that you ignore or avoid them, it just means you are seeking a proper balance of time spent together.

Option #2: “I could pick up the gemstone, claim it as my own, take care of it, and treasure it“
Choosing this option would mean that you believe you ought to spend more time with this person. Perhaps you really feel like the interactions with this person really benefit both them and yourself. So, spending more time with them should not be harmful, but encouraging and profitable for both of you. As you do this, make sure you act in ways that are caring and showing that you treasure them.

This option has special implications if your situation is involving a potential spouse. Choosing this option for your circumstance would be equilavent to beginning a courting/dating relationship, or if you’re already in one, making firm plans for marriage (a.k.a. getting engaged). If you’re the man, then choosing this option would essentially mean you are “taking the girl on” or getting ready to provide for her in the full sense of the word. Obviously, this is a very serious step. And it’s one that I would suggest not taking if the only thing you’ve done is pray. Not to downplay prayer, becuase it truly is crucial, but you need to also seek a plethora of counsel from a variety of people (parents, other family members, pastor, mentors, friends, etc.). Make sure you listen to those who truly are wise in the Lord; they can be of immeasurable benefit to you!

Option #3: “I could sit down beside the gemstone and encourage it to grow to become a better gem“
If you choose this option, your major intent in doing so is to be selfless. You want what’s best for that person (This isn’t to say that by choosing the other options you are being selfish and don’t want the best for the other person). And you realize that you may not be the best friend, classmate, potential spouse, etc. for that person. But really that doesn’t matter to you whether that’s true or not. You just want this person to be benefited from all interactions with you. In other words, your intent on befriending them and spending time with them is to build them up and encourage them. This is your guiding principle behind all that you do and say in relation to them.

With regard to this special person being a potential spouse, this option turns the focus off of romance and on to friendship. Your sole intent with this sweet friend of yours is to encourage them to grow in the Lord. As in the story above, by doing this you realize that this person “would be more beautiful to whoever would have the privilege of taking possession of [him/her] at a later point“ (by “taking possesion of” I mean beginning a romantic relationship or marriage). Whether or not you end up marrying this person doesn’t matter to you right now, you just want to be the best and most godly influence in their life that you can be. Nothing matters to you except their growth in Christ. This is selfless and an act of worship to God! May you be able to say the following to this person (and mean it!):

“My biggest hope, when it comes to myself in relation to you, is that I would only be an encouragement. My prayer is that I can be a positive influence on you. If I can help you in any way (whether it be encouragement, instruction, or other appropriate means) between your present state of singleness and a possible future state of matrimony, then I will be most glad! I desire to be someone who is not concerned with who your future spouse is, but rather a selfless servant who is concerned with your overall well-being in Christ.”

Indeed, may you be able to say that and live by it! It will probably be hard to follow these sort of principles, but obedience to them is worth it and is worship to God our Father!

Conclusion
Hopefully as you’ve read my thoughts on each of these three options you’ve had some ideas of your own come into your mind. That’s good. I pray God may use my words here to spark within you some good ideas as to how He wants you to address your specific situation. Always remember to pray earnestly about it and seek the godly counsel of many others! May God bless you in your efforts of seeking how to live obediently to Him in this relationship you have with this other person. God made us to be relational, so let us embrace this characteristic with utmost reverance for Him and proper respect for others!

I sincerly welcome any comments you might have on this post or whatever else related to this topic. Please feel free to leave your thoughts!! In fact, I’d really like it if you did